terrariums | Inbox for Duplicity

I never hated you. I could never hate you.

[ And deep down he knew that Floyd never hated him either, even if the words stung like squeezing a lemon over an open wound before grinding in the salt. Yet hearing the confirmation still feels like arms coming around him. ]

I can come over now.

[ He doesn't want Floyd here. Not after what he's done--not when he knows what Rook and Floyd have already done. It just complicates things... he doesn't want to keep him away from his new home forever (never... it wouldn't be a home without Floyd being there at least part of the time), but easing into it feels better for now. ]

[There’s a quiet whimper of confirmation. He knows Jade doesn’t hate him. He’d never stoop so low and say the same hurtful, awful things… He’s just trying to survive here the same as Floyd, the same as anyone else.

His heart leaps at the suggestion and Floyd sits up, pushing the covers from his head.]

… Please.

[It feels selfish—shouldn’t Floyd be going to see him instead?—but he has to see him. Desperately.]

Please come over.

[ Can Floyd hear Jade's tools being put away? Most likely. ]

I will come over now. One moment.

[ He doesn't doubt that Rook will be awake and checking on him the second he leaves his room if he doesn't text him, so he does so now before he brings his device back to his ear and grabs his bag. Even if Floyd doesn't ask him to stay, he wants to be prepared regardless as he heads out the door. ]

I need to apologize to you, Floyd.

[It doesn’t take much thought to know what those sounds are. How many times have they spent their off days together, quietly occupied with their respective hobbies on either side of the dorm room? These days, Floyd finds himself more and more interested in Jade’s free time, far more than he ever was.

While his twin prepares, Floyd corrals Catfish into his arm… and simply listens. Quiet, curious— Trying to visualize Jade’s movements after he’s been without them for so long.]

You don’t.

[he says as he walks to the staircase.]

You didn’t do anything bad to me.

[ Didn't he, though? It isn't the contract itself, he knows, but the concept behind it... but it still hurt Floyd in that moment. Their moods and centers so misaligned from a choice that Jade made out of his own selfishness.

Something he's always been encouraged to do, but actually doing it...? He can't say it would have made Floyd any happier if he'd simply returned to his previous Dominant or chose someone other than Rook. The front door closes and locks behind him as he starts on his path. He hates the elevator, but tonight he doesn't want to take thirteen flights of stairs so he takes it with his knuckles white against the support bar. ]

I may not have done it to hurt you, but it still caused you pain.

[ And he doesn't want to coddle him, either. They've never had that sort of relationship even with their mutual desire for praise and attention. ]

So for that, at least, I should apologize to you.

[At the bottom of the stairs, Floyd gives Catfish a squeeze before setting her down to freely roam the foyer. He watches her as he considers Jade’s words. … It still seems so childish of him, flying off the handle over a harmless choice. They value their independence, after all. He shouldn’t feel as if Jade is necessary for his survival.]

I—

[Just then, he hears the elevator bell and rests his forehead against the front door. Idiot. Even now he’s foregoing his own comfort for Floyd’s sake… Opening the door, he sets foot outside. His skin buzzes, eager and anxious.]

Ok…

[It’s what Jade wants. He should let him do it. He has to.]

Don’t hang up, Jade. Ok? Not until you get here.

[ It's an acceptance, so Jade is willing to leave it at that for now. They have all evening to talk or sit in silence... to simply exist in one another's space. Jade follows a path that he's relatively comfortable with now, only grateful he doesn't have to ride another elevator to get there. ]

I had no intention of it.

[ Even if it's quiet, he doesn't mind. Just hearing Floyd breathe as he walks feels blissful. He arrives at Claudia's and when he sees his twin his device is tucked away. He approaches him easily, but even despite the slightly heavy bags under his eyes from even less sleep than usual, his expression is clear: relief. ]

[He doesn’t know what to say to fill the silence. Nothing he comes up with seems appropriate. So no matter how much Floyd wants to tell Jade about his day, the new things he’s learned, or the silly trick Catfish did the night before, he can only clutch his device and wait, listening to his twin’s footsteps with bated breath.

He only has an oversized shirt on. He didn’t feel like covering himself any more than that, not when he already feels so out of place in his own skin. But the moment he spots Jade across the courtyard, relief already begins to settle in his veins.]

Jade…!

[he cries, dropping his device in the grass when he rushes over, arms outstretched. It doesn’t matter how he looks. He feels perfect; stable and warm wrapped in Floyd’s embrace.]

I’m sorry, Jade. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…

[ Jade's arms come around him easily, squeezing him tight against him as he nestles into his twin's hair. Breathing him in deep as his arms coil them tighter together. No hug could possibly feel tight enough after so long... ]

Floyd...

[ A kiss to the top of his head, his temple, his cheek... all before burying his face into his hair with a deep sigh like letting out a breath he had no idea he was holding. ]

I'm right here.

[Everything is right. Everything is safe. Maybe not tomorrow or the next, but here and now Floyd feels as if he’s finally come up for air. He burrows into Jade’s neck, breathes in the familiar scent of earth and fresh, clean linen… He’s here, he’s here…]

I don’t hate you, I don’t hate you…

[Floyd shakes his head, staining Jade’s shirt with tears.]

I love you more than anything, I promise, Jade, I promise…!

[ Fingers thread through teal hair as he holds him, content to just let him sob into him. His voice soft and soothing in a sound that no one on land probably understands even here--not an actual word, but more a feeling given sound. ]

I love you, Floyd. I promise, too.

[ Even if he might not be the Floyd he knows yet, he's still his twin--his partner. No matter what happens back home he can't imagine--he knows that it can never drive anything between them. So he shouldn't let this city do it, either. Jade holds him tighter. ]

Together forever.

Mhm… Together forever…

[Even more relief washes over him with Jade’s words. Floyd never doubted his twin’s love for him… but their relationship has certainly been tested. This is so brand new—like learning to walk on two leg all over again. But he has Jade again and Jade has him… They can navigate this bump together just as they have a thousand times before.

Sniffling, Floyd lifts his head but doesn’t let go.]

… You haven’t been sleeping.

[he notes, thumb brushing under Jade’s golden eye.]

Not well, no.

[ Though not of anyone's fault but his own. He leans into Floyd's palm as he watches him. His own hands cradling Floyd's face and hair like he's something precious to be held and adored. ]

I imagine you have not slept well lately either.

[It feels beyond wonderful to be held again, especially knowing Jade reserves this for Floyd and Floyd alone. His brother is particular about touch, after all, perhaps more so in this world that encourages it so often.

Floyd turns and presses his lips to Jade’s palm.]

Mn… I kept thinking about you hurting all alone. All that stupid shit I said—

[Tears well up again and roll down his cheeks.]

You’re mine… but I wasn’t there for you.

[ Holding anyone but Floyd like this feels impossible. Even Rook's ~~sometimes insufferable~~ affections don't fall into this level of comfort. Nine months with his previous Dominant helped him with the more technical aspects of the city, but more along the lines of pulling a mask over his eyes. A way to block it out with feeling so he doesn't feel how his skin sometimes crawls.

It's difficult to let himself be touched, even more so to want to be touched, but he never has that thought with Floyd. Never does his skin feel like it's on fire or riddled with goosebumps when Floyd throws himself around him without so much as a warning, just... peace. No desire to pull away or having to fight that urge because it's what the city wants of him. No retreating to his room after sex because the thought of being held feels too much. Just quiet.

It's something he needs desperately still, even if he's getting a little better. His lips come to press against Floyd's cheek. No thought to bottle those precious tears for potions unlike he does for himself in very short supply. ]

You are now.

[While Floyd isn’t so averse to physical contact, Jade’s touch still holds precedence above all the rest. It’s more than familiar; it’s necessary. It’s genuine. There’s no expectation to escalate or reciprocate… It simply exists—it completes—and selfishly Floyd indulges.

He wants to give Jade that same comfort whenever and wherever possible. So with those words and that soft kiss to his cheek, Floyd leans in for their lips to touch. It lingers and he savors, heart racing between his ribs, and even when Floyd pulls back he leaves so little space between them.]

I need you.

[he whispers.]

I don’t know who I am without you.

[ Maybe that is it. The lack of expectation. Jade is always so deeply aware of the expectations held for him: back home, here, with every Dominant and other Submissives... Just a role to fill and even experiences he believes might turn out normal end with him exposing himself yet again.

But not with Floyd. Falling into it when it comes feels natural. Comfortable. Like coming home. So he lingers there a little longer in Floyd's embrace, lips pressed together in blissful gentleness. ]

We should sleep together.

[ However they end up, he won't mind. He just knows he doesn't want Floyd to sleep in only half a bed. ]

I need us, too.

[Floyd blinks, surprise evident on his face. He should have expected the suggestion, what with Jade bringing his overnight bag, but… maybe he thought Jade would still want his space. Needless to say, Floyd’s overjoyed.

A smile finally graces his lips as he takes his twin’s hand and leads him up the steps to the front door.]

I’ll show you my room~

[he says as they pass through the entryway. Catfish sleeps at the foot of the spiral staircase, waiting for Floyd to return, and when she stirs at the sound of footsteps she spots Jade and meows in greeting.]

“Did you bring my baby?”

[she asks, following at the twins’ heels.]

[ Jade offers Catfish a smile as she walks beside them, his own voice responding to her easily. ]

"I apologize, she was asleep when I was leaving."

[ Where doesn't matter, but he did notice she didn't even stir when he left unlike others in the apartment. ~~That awful Tsum that nearly shot him when he opened his bedroom door, for one.~~ ]

"I did bring you a present from her, however."

Wow, a present~ Should I have you sign a contract before she accepts?

[It’s a joke, of course; simply reminiscent of what their parents demanded before the twins ever accepted any birthday gifts back home.

Floyd pushes his door open and reveals his room exactly as he left it: half a mess, half pristine. Catfish meanwhile rubs her face against both their ankles and weaves between their legs, her curiosity piqued.]

“Show me, show me. A present from my baby.”

[ He chuckles as he moves to sit on the bed, bringing his bag forward to open it even as the mother of his ~~child~~ own cat hops up onto the bed beside him. ]

No need to worry. I have already prepared a waiver...

[ But is he joking? That is more difficult to say. From his bag Jade withdraws a small toy that Fishcake often cuddles at night before offering it to Catfish. ]

[Floyd sits beside Jade and crosses his legs, later leaning over to rest his chin on his brother’s shoulder so he can watch the exchange more comfortably.

Catfish impatiently sniffs and paws at the bag and when Jade offers the toy her pupils widen with delight. Yes, she’s an excellent hunter, so the textures instantly appeal to her, but most importantly she’s taken with Fishcake’s familiar scent.]

“My baby!”

[she purrs, grabbing the toy in her mouth so she can hop down and proceed to rub her face all over it. Floyd laughs and presses his cheek to Jade’s own.]

A shrimp, huh. You sure Fishcake won’t miss it?

She asked me to bring it the next time that I see you. I have been holding onto it for a few days now...

[ He leans into Floyd's cheek, content to rub them together in gentle affection as he watches Catfish fall in love with her gift. Such a sweet thing... he's glad that Floyd had her during his time alone. ]

She had thought you would like it, too.

Fufu~ It’s pretty goofy.

[In a good way. Floyd eyes the toy as Catfish bats it around, though after a while Jade’s returned affections prove to be far too distracting. … How did he manage to hold himself together while Jade was away? For weeks, for months— Each time feels more agonizing than the last. Because while Floyd knows he isn’t truly alone in this world, no other presence grounds him as well as his twin’s.

With a hum, Floyd turns and presses a gentle kiss to Jade’s jaw—once, twice—before burrowing his face in his neck to do the same.]

I missed you, Jade.

[He doesn’t care how many times he says it.]

[ Shoes are carefully slipped off as Jade brings his legs up onto the bed so his arms can more easily come around his twin's body. Gloved fingers sliding into matching teal hair as he exposes his collared throat for Floyd's attention. He lets out a low hum of contentment... Not necessarily pleasure, but just comfort. ]

I missed you, too.

[ He'll say it as many times as they need to. Forever, even. ]

Even though I knew it would pass... I missed you all the same.

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